A lost handmade book returns to life: a series Emi Anrakuji photographed twenty years ago, a self-portrait kept as a handmade photobook and never shown. She developed the film on paper she liked and completed the noise as part of the work, so that a shattered self seems to be rebuilt from the gap between paper and special ink. The book reproduces one of those copies, a facsimile of the dummy, a document of a document, and gives it new life, each image composed of hand-painted paint and handmade objects. Inside a balloon that swells and shrinks, separated from reality, she follows countless floating dots: inner chaos meets outer chaos, life suspended near death, in an emptiness and solitude that express what we love and fear. Anrakuji studied oil painting and, after a brain tumour severely damaged her sight, taught herself photography in a hospital bed; the book was shortlisted for the Paris Photo-Aperture PhotoBook of the Year in 2019.